Monday, April 11, 2011

To Do #1: Stop Apologizing (an explanation)

"She's bent over from the business of begging forgiveness, while frantically running around putting out fires" (Ani Difranco).
That’s me. All day.  Every day.  I run around like a crazy lady trying to keep up with the hey-mommies and the hey-honeys. I do this while simultaneously trying to stay one step ahead of the laundry and dishes. Every day I fail. I try...and I fail. And every day I apologize over and over for my failures. 
“I’m sorry, Honey, I forgot to call the counter guy…again.”
“I’m sorry, Buddy Boy, I didn’t make it to the bike store to get your new tire.”
“I’m sorry Ladybug, I haven’t had a chance to sew your bear back together.”
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…. UGH! Every time I say it I feel worse and worse about myself.  "I'm sorry".  It's become my mantra…my sick and twisted mantra.
Mantra [man-truh] -noun Hinduism,
A sound, syllable, word or group of words considered capable of ‘creating transformation’.
Every time I make one of these little apologies, what I’m really saying is, “I’m sorry. I know. I suck.” Saying this dozens of times a day, to myself and my family is definitely transforming me…into someone who sucks. So, I’m not going to do it anymore. I’m not going to tell myself I suck because I forgot to put the towels in the drier. I’m just going to pull a clean towel out of the linen closet. It’ll get the job done – even if it doesn’t match my current bathroom décor. Instead of beating myself down, I’m going to remember and celebrate why the towels slipped my mind in the first place – because I was having too much fun with my little Ladybug and her new Playdough ice cream parlor set. I think that’s a darn good reason for forgetting the laundry. I don’t think I need to apologize for it. I’m not going to put myself on a guilt trip every time something slips through the cracks because I opted to do something fun for my family – or for myself. So that's it!  No more!  I'm done apologizing. Well…OK, one more apology...

To my family:  I’m sorry that lately I’ve spent more time beating myself up over the little things than I’ve spent having fun with you.  And that really does suck.

Next up:
To Do #2: Start Saying Thank You…

2 comments:

AlyGatr said...

Aw, you don't suck! It's hard to concentrate on all the things you do when you concentrate so hard on the things you don't do. That said, I find myself constantly apologizing...so I guess your lesson goes for both of us.

Oh and YAYYY...I was so happy to see you posted!

Almost Precious said...

I like this, it's a wonderful idea and a great way to put things into perspective.