To Do #1: Stop Apologizing (an explanation)

"She's bent over from the business of begging forgiveness, while frantically running around putting out fires" (Ani Difranco).

That’s me. All day.  Every day.  I run around like a crazy lady trying to keep up with the hey-mommies and the hey-honeys. I do this while simultaneously trying to stay one step ahead of the laundry and dishes. Every day I fail. I try...and I fail. And every day I apologize over and over for my failures. 

“I’m sorry, Honey, I forgot to call the counter guy…again.”

“I’m sorry, Buddy Boy, I didn’t make it to the bike store to get your new tire.”

“I’m sorry Ladybug, I haven’t had a chance to sew your bear back together.”

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…. UGH! Every time I say it I feel worse and worse about myself.  "I'm sorry".  It's become my mantra…my sick and twisted mantra.

Mantra [man-truh] -noun Hinduism,
A sound, syllable, word or group of words considered capable of ‘creating transformation’.

Every time I make one of these little apologies, what I’m really saying is, “I’m sorry. I know. I suck.” Saying this dozens of times a day, to myself and my family is definitely transforming me…into someone who sucks. So, I’m not going to do it anymore. I’m not going to tell myself I suck because I forgot to put the towels in the drier. I’m just going to pull a clean towel out of the linen closet. It’ll get the job done – even if it doesn’t match my current bathroom décor. Instead of beating myself down, I’m going to remember and celebrate why the towels slipped my mind in the first place – because I was having too much fun with my little Ladybug and her new Playdough ice cream parlor set. I think that’s a darn good reason for forgetting the laundry. I don’t think I need to apologize for it. I’m not going to put myself on a guilt trip every time something slips through the cracks because I opted to do something fun for my family – or for myself. So that's it!  No more!  I'm done apologizing. Well…OK, one more apology...

To my family:  I’m sorry that lately I’ve spent more time beating myself up over the little things than I’ve spent having fun with you.  And that really does suck.

Next up:
To Do #2: Start Saying Thank You…

A New To Do List

I've been neglecting this blog, and worse than that, I've been neglecting this project.  But a comment my little girl made to me the other day has brought my focus back.

I was standing in line waiting to return something.  My little lady was sitting in the cart.  She said to me, "Mommy, why do you look so sad?"  It caught me completely off guard.  I wasn't feeling sad at all.  As a matter of fact, I was having a pretty good morning -- other than the waiting in line part.  But it did draw my attention to the fact that all the little crap in my life has managed to take the driver's seat, and my joy's been napping in the back.  So, it's time to reset.  And...since nothing makes me feel better than a fresh To Do list...well, I made a list.

And here it is, my list.  Three things I'm going to make an effort to do every day this month.  And no, there's no typo in that first item.  It looks a little strange sitting up there in the top priority spot, but I promise you, that's exactly where it needs to be.  I'll explain later.  Right now I've got three really important things to do.

What are you going to do today to reclaim your joy?